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I have this crazy belief that relationships, especially and most importantly marriages, are not just sustained by the two partners in the relationship, but by the people that rally around the couple to hold them up and hold them accountable.  It’s not easy in the world we live in.  We live such strange lives with technologies that allow things or people to creep into our relationships that don’t belong there, allowing ourselves to get wrapped up in things that don’t matter, and we gripe to our friends or coworkers when we’re frustrated instead of turning to our partner or spouse.  What if we, the people that are listening to the upset, gave sound, pro-relationship advice and offered support that was positive for the marriage instead of just leaning back and saying ‘yeah, man.  marriage is hard and you need to make yourself happy’ or if we saw something happening that wasn’t good for the relationship, we’d step up to the plate and say ‘it’s not right and something needs to change.”   It sounds very simplistic for as complicated as relationships are, but what if instead of standing back, we actively participate in supporting that love and that relationship?

Heather + Dan’s engagement session by Spencer Combs

I know you probably get invited to a million weddings a year.  After a while it’s a drain on your wallet for the gift and the outfit and the travel and the overnight stay.  Pretty soon, instead of being excited to attend the wedding and feeling honored that you were chosen to witness such an occasion in your friends’ lives, you’re griping about that too.  Next time you’re stressed about what to wear (just wear the same dress again… you looked hot in it last time!), think of it as this: This couple trusts and loves you.  They are asking you not only to take part in the celebration of their relationship and new marriage, they are asking you to stand as witnesses to the vows they took and to rally around them as a couple to help support them.  Be there and be the friends that encourage their relationship to grow stronger as a couple and be their shoulders to lean on when they hit the inevitable tough spots of a relationship.  Be the friends that want to see them succeed and make babies (if they want that) and get gray hair together after learning a lifetime’s worth of wisdom that can be passed onto grandbabies.  Think of this every time you attend a wedding.  It’s not just you partaking in a celebration, but also you pledging your support and promising to actively help them achieve whatever it is that they want to accomplish in this life together – as partners in crime, as best friends, as husband and wife, as parents…

Spencer and Alex getting the perfect shot

I am so excited I could burst about Heather and Dan’s wedding this past weekend.  As 190 of their closest family and friends gathered, we all promised to help them uphold the promises they made to each other.  We (the three of us!) spent 14 months planning for Saturday, but a lifetime learning how to be there for each other (even if we (as sisters) annoy the crap out of each other sometimes).  I was being a control freak about design stuff being perfect because I want everything to blow their minds and give make them deliriously happy.  But, just like my very favorite clients say, it didn’t matter if the place burned down (still standing) or the food was cold (which it wasn’t) or a snow storm hit (which it didn’t) and only 5 people could make it (it was a full house).  All that mattered to Heather and Dan, is that at the end of the day, they were Mr. and Mrs.  And I can always stand behind that.

You totally thought I’d give you teaser shots, didn’t you?  Psych!  My point -n-shoot Canon could do NO justice to what Spencer and Alex Combs have in store for Heather and Dan.  All you need to know is that Heather and Dan say they truly didn’t think a perfect wedding existed, until Saturday.  And that makes this sister VERY happy!

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If there ever were a year that I wanted to express my gratitude it is this year.  I am, by nature, a take it all in and count your blessings kind of person.  As the client weddings have ended for the year and I’m settling into my new place while ramping up efforts for my little sister’s January wedding, I can’t help but reflect even more on my appreciation.   Not just because we’re getting closer to Thanksgiving or the whole family holiday season – but because I was pretty sure this year was going to kill me and yet, much to my satisfaction, I am still standing.  This is a very personal post, but I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for my family, my friends, and my clients-turned-friends.  Queue the happy, personal journey music (a fave happy song right now is “Strawberry Swing” by Coldplay)… It’s a wordy post!

This year has been incredibly bittersweet for me as business has taken off for me, I have had a great sense of accomplishment but at the same time my personal life took a wild twist that I never in my life would have anticipated.  I’ve moved twice, I’ve pushed through an insane work schedule, trying to keep up with an ever changing industry, and have been working through the intense heartache of having someone walk out of my life after nearly a decade together and only a year and a half of marriage.

Some things will challenge you to the point of torture and you’re ready to curl up and let the world pass you by.  When the decision to end my marriage was made I was ready to do that and I was ready to end the business as well.  How could I possibly encourage other people to be successful in their marriages if mine didn’t even last?  How could I keep it together for other people and be their support for every avenue of planning their marriages when I was falling apart on the inside and hoping I didn’t crack and lose it over a discussion about how to set up escort cards at a details meeting.  Would it reflect poorly on me as a planner?  As a person?  I firmly believe that I am there to assist with preparing for the marriage and not just the wedding.  I love planning the event, but I love that I am able to assist couples so they can focus on marriage preparations and not just the small details of the day.  Almost every major hard part in the closing of my relationship, was followed by a major bright spot in my year of planning, and every low point of “that” process was marked with some sort of important moment with my clients.  It truly has been a year that can only be defined as bittersweet for me.

I have made it through 2009 because I have been able to rely on family to help me with little things from helping me work through a Chuppah emergency at a May wedding (Thanks Mom and Dad) or helping with tear down at numerous events (Thanks brother, sister, and soon to be brother-in-law), and endless phone calls just to hear me out (Thanks, Christine) or send me notes of encouragement that made my entire week (thanks cousins and aunts).  I have had friends step up to the plate both with assisting and moral support, and I have made some wonderful new friends in the vendors I’ve met this year.  And my clients… I know we all say we’ve got the best clients, but I will fight for this one!  The support I’ve gotten from my couples is something I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for.  The long, off the subject chats, the fun email exchanges, the hugs and laughs the day of the wedding, the letters I get after the weddings… I cherish all of it.  Their understanding and kind words of support for who I am and what I do have been fuel to push me forward.  I love the connection I have with each and every one of you.  As the summer went on and I witnessed so many other giddy couples take their vows and make their promises to each other, I realized I was right where I needed to be and that there was a purpose for each and every person in my life.  I have a sense of renewed understanding about myself and my life but also a renewed focus for what I do and why I do it.  Being involved in such an intimate way with the human connection of love and family is both a privilege and honor to witness each week.  I think everyone that does this should see it that way – we are being allowed into other people’s lives.  Invited in.  We should take a moment out of it all to be appreciative of the experience.

Sometimes you don’t have a choice about things, but what counts most is what you do with the choices you DO have and that you really focus on the things and people in your life that do matter.   I’m stubborn and determined, so I already knew I could handle anything life threw at me, I just didn’t know I had so much support immediately ready to let me lean on them if I needed it.  As the year has wound down, I am feeling a bit like my old self again and feeling more healthy every day.  I am blessed.  I already knew this.  I am lucky to be able to lean on people that sincerely want good things for me in my life, and I hope that I am able to return the same kind of support should it ever be needed.  If you can’t tell by now, I’m an ‘ it’s the journey, not the end goal ‘ kind of girl.  Thanks for listening.  Hopefully you’ll draw some sort of motivation to think about what it is that helped you succeed or survive this year… because we didn’t do it alone.

I call this year a win for Team Fischer.  Thanks, guys.  ”Thanks” will never be enough.

fab.kirsten fab.family, fab.friends, unspeakable gratitude

Last night 14 of us gathered in our favorite little black dresses, donned matching teal bead necklaces, and celebrated my sister’s very numbered single-girl days.  She rocked a killer teal number and wore the obligatory pink bachelorette pieces as we showered her with  gifts that definitely made her blush in front of our mother!  After enjoying the drinks, hors d’oeuvres, and catching up, we went out on the town and showed off our best dance moves.  I totally adore her friends, and stayed up way too late gabbing and eating the leftover goodies.  I can’t wait for the wedding… 76 days is too long to wait now!  (Actually, I’ll take the 76 days to get in MOH shape.  I’m in the dress, but eh… I’ve got some work to do.  Not fair with all the great shower/party food!)

Love you like none otha, Sissy!

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I’ve got an exciting and busy wedding weekend ahead of me, but I need to give a quick shout out to my dad… the best dad there ever was.   It’s his birthday today, and of course we’ll celebrate Father’s Day with a family BBQ at home on Sunday.

[ Dad with last year's birthday+father's day present: a tiny baby yo-chon that he named Mitzi, aka MitzMitz ]

Sure, sure… you may think yours is pretty fantastic too, but mine really is the best.  This guy used to be a one man jungle gym for his 4 young kids, do our girls’ hair when mom was busy or gone, put it in rollers for dance competitions, rat the pony tails when the curlers came out, did father-daughter dances with my sister and I.  He sat through baseball games, soccer games, dance competitions proudly sporting his ‘I Heart My Bengalette(s) hat and being ‘that’ dad that screamed BENGALETTES ROCK to be heard on every videotape until my sister and I graduated, sat through football games, band shows, put up with me not wanting to snap the snaps on my letter jacket (come ON, Dad…eye roll…), proudly donned his U of M/UMD/St. Ben’s DAD sweatshirts, can help me fix any car problem, is always there to pick up the phone and just listen when I need it, can play a mean saxophone, brings my mom a rose “just because” even after 29 years of marriage, and to top it off, he’s got the best sense of humor… total dad humor.  He’s the best and we love and appreciate him for all the great dad things he does and for all the values and lessons he’s taught his four kids.  Love you, Dad!  Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day! 

That’s a little sap and some family love to send you into your weekend! 

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